• Leah Blumenstein

It started as a drip

Updated: Dec 3, 2019

Matthew 5:27-32

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

It started as a drip.

A tiny crack in my heart where the poison slowly made its way into the depths,

the reaches, the inner most part of my soul.

It started as a drip.

Slowly edging it’s way through the crevices, seeping into the living water that promised me life but slowly turned toxic, infusing itself into the molecules and changing the entire make up of what once was pure.

It started as a drip.

Breaching the once well crafted barrier, making its way through feet of concrete once carefully crafted to keep things out but has turned to rot and decay before my own eyes without ever being apparent.

It started as a drip.

Until at last it was a slow yet steady stream where things started to flow freely and without too much resistance on my part.

It started as a drip.

And before I realized it grew to be a torrent, a wave of ugly thoughts and nasty emotions that had turned my heart of flesh back into the stone that it once was.

Hardened, unsatisfied, lost as I was I still couldn’t see that I had been sinking

because I took my eyes off of your face.

I took my eyes off of your face and began looking for you in people who never knew you.

I took my eyes off of your face and placed people and goals on pedestals that I unceremoniously ripped you down from.

I took my eyes off your face and the drip that turned to an ocean began to envelope me and I could have sworn that I was Jonah.

Trapped in the belly of my own mistakes and disobedience.

Trapped in my own insufferable need to get my own way

and good riddance to anyone else.

Trapped and surrounded by the darkness that I let drip, drip, drip for long enough to fill all my empty space with poison

to dilute your presence, your power, your piety.

Alone in the darkness I reached out to you, Abba, and cried in desperation,

“Take this cup from me, I cannot drink of it anymore”

only to see that the cup I had been drinking

was the poison of my own undoing.

The poison of my own creation

that had slowly filled from the dripping.

But God, in your mercy,

You grabbed the cup from my tainted hands and said,

“I will drink of this cup, you need only to trust that it is done”.

In your grace you drank every drop of poison

and you felt the weight of all my anguish.

In your love you rebuilt the concrete slabs that were meant for keeping out the dripping and you told me that boundaries are in fact good.

That barriers are meant to keep things from becoming too powerful,

too overwhelming.

That even the ocean,

as big and magnificent as that is,

has a boundary set in place for a purpose.

And the same, my child, goes for your heart.

Guard my heart, oh Lord, in yours, that I may know that boundaries are good.

That I may know that your purpose for me includes keeping me safe from things that gain more power than they deserve, and overwhelm my spirit.

You have shown me your faithfulness, and I pray that I would be more faithful to you, to your will, to your word.

Thank you for being my shelter on high, my strong tower through the storm, my rock solid foundation when everything else is sinking sand.

Take this heart and shape it to look more like yours every day that I have breath.

I love you, Lord, Amen.



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